| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2009|01:34 pm] |
I have this habit of ninjaing on people, it's probably my least favourite self trait. I get so wrapped up in myself, or the dramas around me, that those who are a constant of awesome sometimes get a little lost in the shuffle, and I feel really bad about that. I look after people, I work, and afterwards I either crash or need a little nuturing myself, so it's a call to Lupus for mental strokings and feeling better.
There are a few people I feel I neglect most...to those, I apologise. I only seem to pop up when you're feeling down, and I really am there for you, and thinking of you, always, even if it doesn't seem it. Silvi, Sil, Xantin, Aremay, you peeps are especially the ones on my mind. I'll try not to be so self absorbed and actively care for you and be there, rather than passively as I know I have been of recent. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2009|06:18 am] |
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I DON'T UNDERSTAND POLITICAL THEORY...AND HAVING TO DO THIS STUPID FUCKING COURSE BECAUSE NO ONE AT MY UNI CAN BE ARSED TO DESIGN ANOTHER 20 MARK COURSE RELEVANT TO MY STUDIES MEANS I'M IN EFFECT, THROWING THESE MARKS AWAY...I'M GOING TO FAIL UNI AGAIN...IT'S INEVITABLE. |
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| You know when you realise |
[Mar. 15th, 2009|05:16 pm] |
...that you're fucked?
I'm fucked.
Leaving an essay until the day before to work on it, is stupid...when ytou find out every book on the subject is on loan from your universities' library? you're fucked. |
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| random meh |
[Mar. 11th, 2009|09:27 am] |
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Dear world...win and fail are not nouns...lolcats aren't funny...news at 11 |
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| You ever feel like... |
[Mar. 11th, 2009|12:35 am] |
you try to help, and just fuck things up all the more?
I think today was stacked with that. I fucked up alto and tanner, thinking I was doing the right thing by gentling nudging tanner for being insensitive. Now Tanner hates me and Alto is upset because it's his fault...and my good friend Aremay...I can't leave alone those that are hurt...even when they put up in 20ft neon LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE...I just think I've done more harm than good there, by trying to help, I( probably messed up all the more. That's what Bec hated about me apparently, that I couldn't leave it alone. If she was upset, I had to try and make everything better, even if there wasn't a solution like that. Some would say that's a good characteristic to have...but when you're upset, the last thing you want is some jackfuck with a "can do" attitude.
I'm gonna lay low for a while, lest I mess up more.
Aremay...if i upset you, you don't know how sorry I am. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2009|08:35 am] |
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The bunny is going to be an uncle...really not sure how he feels about that....more later. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2009|06:26 pm] |
Stolen from one of the sweetest bunnies out there ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) rma_reborn , this political survey of stuff will keep you interested for FAR shorter a time than it took for me to write...marvel at my hippy ideals.
( political quizzy thing )
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| Dear British Media. |
[Feb. 25th, 2009|12:09 am] |
Jade Goody getting married is NOT news. Yes, it's a tragedy, someone has a terminal illness, that's horrible. It's not front page news though. You know who else is dying? A LOT OF PEOPLE. And knock off this "Brave Jade" crap. Why is someone instantly "brave" the instant something bad happens to them? She was SO brave to get those tests, to sit there and be told that she has cancer...wow, they should give her a medal.
It just bugs me how we can laugh at someone, vilify them for their actions, then raise them up as a hero and shining example to the world, because of a skin disease...She's an idiot, and possibly a racist. Why do we let this crap pervade our paper columns?
And on page 3 of the sun? an article sneering at the girl who did really well at University Challenge...praise idiocy and hate on intelligence, good to see that the English appreciate the educated.
I'm going to re-iterate this. Cancer is awful, and by no means whatsoever am I detracting from that. No one deserves that fate. I just feel that in the time of global downturn, recession, depression, with rape, murder, stabbings, political strife...these are more important than a gameshow contestant's wedding. And bravery doesn't come from what happens to you, it comes from your actions. Getting a disease isn't an act of bravery, it's just what happens. It's unfortunate chance. Being on camera crying and begging the doctors isn't brave...distressing...not brave.
I really hope this doesn't seem cavalier or callous of me. I just don't want to see headlines from now until her passing which documents every aspect of her life, turning tragedy into a sick soap opera, and taking precedence over truly important matters. |
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| 25 things thing... |
[Feb. 10th, 2009|02:18 am] |
Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
1. I have a horrendous memory for most things, I can watch the films I love time and again because I will never remember the plot, save for some highlights.
2. I hate that people see me as "gay" before they see me as a person. I'm not gay acting, and it impacts such a small area of my life, but I feel at times that it's the one thing that is brandished.
3. I wish my family wasn't as broken as it was, with me stuck in the middle.
4. I have never been in a fight, but I have been attacked. I have no idea or ability how to fight back, I simply cannot do it.
5. I identify as Atheist, but hate rabid dogmatism from either side.
6. I say that Bill Hicks is my hero, when in fact he was just the first guy who truly opened my mind to political concepts...I have no heroes.
7. I like telling people I had a film entered into a student short film competition, this is correct but the only pre requisite was to have something made.
8. I lost my virginity far too young.
9. I only have one major regret in life, and it was that my actions not only broke the heart of a kind soul, but directly contributed to a very bad set of circumstances.
10. I only hate two people on this planet, and they are both people who raped my friends.
11. I find it near impossible to make eye contact with people, because knowing people are looking at me freaks me out.
12. I hate my smile, I honestly think it's the worst smile possible, and don't take care of them as I should because I'd be happy if they fell out of my head.
13. All I want in this world is for the people I love to be happy.
14. I'm too easy with giving out money, I have given out easily over £1000 to friends, in gifts and loans, which I know I will never get back.
15. I don't dislike myself as much as it seems, I just feel that at times what I put in isn't equal to what I get out.
16. I'd love to get a tattoo, but I'm scared that 5 years down the line I'd not agree with the sentiment.
17. I become a blithering bag of putty when I encounter anyone famous, even if I have zero interest in what they do.
18. The only area of expertise I have is video games, my knowledge of obscure old games is quite commendable.
19. I have this bizarre interest in reading ofcom broadcast bulletins...I really don't know why.
20. I at one time convinced myself I suffered from Trichotillomania.
21. I joke that I want everyone in the world to put me as their number one myspace buddy, and there's some truth to that. I don't have an ego, I just have acceptance issues.
22. I wish my brother would stop judging me. And there's only so far you can go with "jokingly" ragging on someone's sexuality before it crosses the line into actual insulting...camp jokes and constantly being called a gay/puff/faggot gets really fucking old, really fucking quick...and after a year of it, pretty much every day near constant, it get's exceptionally old.
23. I don't know how Lupus puts up with me at times...I'm just so happy he does.
24. I'm scared to talk to people I haven't talked to in a long time. I sit and wonder if they hate me for not talking to them.
25. I hate that I feel a slut, but I'm so happy to be able to enjoy the freedoms that come with my relationship.
I tag whoever wants to do it. |
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| no one will do this... |
[Feb. 5th, 2009|11:31 am] |
as I'vve got like 5 viewers and two comments in the entire time, but whatevers.
Photo meme.
1. Ask me to take pictures of any aspect of my life you're curious about.
2. Leave your requests as comments to this entry. One request per person.
3. Please look at the previous requests as to not do repeats.
4. I'll snap the pictures and post them.
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2009|02:01 pm] |
I'm sat here watching Japanese TV, just realised it's Setsubun today...so happy Setsubun guys!
Watching Japanese TV people throwing beans at each other, randomly awesome. And now they are wandering round a town, to look at stuff.
Mundane stuff in Japan somehow makes it awesome. I don't understand it at this point, but it's still bad ass.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Setsubun
oni wa soto! Fuku wa uchi! |
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| Not to brag or anything but... |
[Jan. 31st, 2009|09:15 am] |
My Uvula is way bigger than yours.
Seriously, it's god damned huge this morning.
I woke up, felt something in the back of my throat, It's like touching my tongue constantly. I go to clear it, and it tugs forward, but doesn't clear. I stagger to the bathroom and oh my lord, someone has replaced my Uvula with one three sizes too big.
Apparently the cure is ice cream, lots of ice cream. So once parentals wake up I'll beg them to look after me with a ben and jerry's medicine trip. Finally, medicinal care I can get behind. |
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| . |
[Jan. 23rd, 2009|10:37 pm] |
Today was the most badassed gig ever! Dir En Grey and MIndless Self Indulgence are two of my favourite bands, and they are on the same bill!!!!?!?!?!?! AWESOME
I had my ticket for a while, I was so looking forward to it.
AND I HAD TO WORK...
INSTEAD OF ROCKING OUT, I SORTED MAIL. I didn't even pull a sickie, because I'm that nice a person...why doesn't karma exist? I sold out my own enjoyment (and money) to work for four hours and hear one of my asshole co workers talk about how bad "faggots" are, and how good it is to be straight. I wanted blood. No wonder I'm closeted at work, it's not worth the hassle of trying to fight through staff wide bigotry and retardation.
I gave my ticket to my best friend's boyfriend, so she got to see them with him, so I feel happy about that...but two of my friends I haven't seen in too long were there too, and I missed out.
Study until the exams are over, then the uni/work cycle starts anew. I need a break. |
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| Whilst we're at it...bottom 100 too. |
[Jan. 21st, 2009|10:09 am] |
( You know where to find it )
How 2001: A Space Travesty has managed to crawl it's way out of the bottom 100 is beyond me, that thing should be shot and thrown straight back in. Also, I feel sorry for Uwe Boll...Yes, his films suck, but I can bet that not all those people (probably not MOST of those people) saw stuff like Amoklauf, but just voted all his work a 1, and it's those ones that don't have enough viewers from real people to give them the middling scores I bet they deserve. We all know this thing can't be trusted, the Hottie and the Nottie had more votes than ticket sales at one point...
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| Maybe one day these won't just be memes. |
[Jan. 21st, 2009|03:35 am] |
Today is not that day. saw a few posts of people putting up the list of the films they have seen from iMDB's top 250. The problem for me was that the list was out of date. I took today's list, edited out the rubbish, added the English titles for the foreign films (except ones that are generally known by their foreign title, such as Amores Perros) and did that...so use my one if you're going to do it for yourself, not the other list, okay?
( It's all under the cut. )
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| I will try and not overload this journal with quizzes... |
[Jan. 5th, 2009|01:04 pm] |
but meh. I might open up a new blog for brue, I'll keep y'all posted.
A is for age: 22
B is for beer of choice: none at all
C is for career right now: Full Time Student and part time postal worker
D is for your dog's name: None ; ;
E is for essential item you use everyday: Mobile
F is for favorite TV show: Probably Top Gear, seems to be the only one I keep up with.
G is for favorite game to watch:Not into sports.
H is for Home town: Salford
I is for instruments you play: None really.
J is for favorite juice: Orange
K is for whose butt you'd like to be kicking: Work asshole.
L is for last place you ate at: Jay's place.
M is for marriage: Possibly...
N is for your name: Christopher Tudor Slater
O is for overnight hospital stay: Many years ago with the suicide attempt
P is for people you were with today: Jay, Joe and family.
Q is for what's your best quality: I'm meant to be better about this this year...but I don't feel like it right now...so none.
R is for what are you currently reading: I'm not really a reader.
S is for relationship status: Happily taken, but with additional slots, some taken, many available.
T is for time you woke up today: I have no clue...sometime about 7ish?
U is for the type of underwear you have on: none, Commandoman.
V is for vegetable you love: Sweetcorn ftw
W is for worst habits: I have good habits?
X is for x-rays you've had recently: Not for years
Y is for something candy: Oreo cookies are gooooood.
Z is for zodiac sign: Gemini
Well that did nothing...just in a weird head atm...bubbling nervousness and anxiety...think it's course related...everything usually is. |
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| anata no meemu wa, ima watashi no meemu arimasu. |
[Dec. 23rd, 2008|11:04 pm] |
1) What is the most important thing in your life?
My friends, I love them all immensely.
2) What song currently moves you and why?
Plenty of songs move me, I'm given goosebumps by any song it seems...but the last song to affect me that way was Ana Ng by THey Might Be Giants...that song means alot to me...it is my song to a special person that I found too many years too late...but is so fitting.
3) What is your biggest dream/goal in life?
If I can I'm striving to move to Japan after my studies, to do who knows what...but I refuse to build my hopes on that, instead my goal is to stay with the people I love and make them happy.
4) In your life who has been the most important person to you and why?
I seem to talk about her alot in these things...but she was such a massive influence and important figure in my life. She made me the man I am today, of that I have no doubt.
5) If you won the lottery what would you do with the money?
I've always said that the first thing I would do is drag all of my friends out for a meal. There's a restaurant in the Maldive's called Ithaa, it's completely underwater, in the Indian Ocean, and you can see everything in this little restaurant capsule.
6) If you had to loose your sight or your hearing which would you choose and why?
Hearing, without question.
7) Have you ever been in love, how many times, how long for and who with?
I have, many times. The first was [redacted](I know that's the wrong use of redacted...but it's SO cool a word), sweetest girl you could meet, and I made a mistake...I wanted to make her happy and it backfired immensely and by time I realised the mistake I made it was all too late. She was my best friend until...well, she always will be and that position is always open to her.
Oh, if you read this...and you can...get in touch...get a cell phone, get a new email address...get to a cyber cafe, much to discuss...and merry christmas.
The second was the fianceé, I've a million stories about her, and it's been a long time, so I can say we were both immature and not suited for each other...I was not the kind of guy she needed, I was in some regards, but my slobbishness got under her skin, and I hold my hand up and admit my fault there...also kids, remember, porn fucks up your views of what sex should be like.
Third is my boy, the first gay relationship I've entered into, and it's so far been pretty wonderful. He has his faults (I seem to fall foul of the dreaded computer game for his affection at times...the times he's looking at one being the main one...) but he's a sweet, kind, caring wonderful guy who looks after me.
He also lets me be who I truly am.
I find monogamy very very difficult...I do. I have a lot of my self, my body, and my heart to give. And he lets me do that, and that's amazing.
Outside of this relationship, I have three people I can say I love with the true sense of that statement. The boy is my true love, but there's my american duo who are super sweet and bring out my caring side, and the cute homegrown one who can push my intellectual buttons as well as my snuggle buttons just right.
I have the love of a few amazing, incredible people...and I couldn't be happier.
8) Who is your idol/role model and why?
Bill Hicks. He is my idol. He was a poet, a prophet, and the master of the thought provoking joke. He could destroy political absurdity one moment, then make you cringe in delighted disgust the next. The word genius is bandied around too easily but for him, not easily enough. He had his downsides, sure...He was a bit conspiracy theorist at times, but...listen to his section called "it's just a ride"...as powerfully apt and wonderful a world statement as has been made by leader, revolutionary or dignitary, they seem to fade to a chain smoking comic from Georgia.
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/iMUiwTubYu0&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/iMUiwTubYu0&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
He would have ripped this current administration to shreds had he been around to see it...RIP Bill, you're time was way too short.
9) What would your dream job be?
I don't know to be honest, I wish I had the mental fortuity to change the world...but that won't ever be me.
10) What would your most ideal romantic setting be? (Bring on the sap!)
Anywhere there is starlight, two people, and nothing else in any direct you can travel, from horizon to horizon. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2008|02:06 pm] |
I'll update this soon, but just to mention...Happy Anniversary Lupus Collas, sweetest boyfriend I could have.
I really hope my stupidness didn't ruin the fun you had through the weekend...but I love you so much, and you were worth every penny...all 40,000+ of them. |
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| a way will be found. |
[Dec. 4th, 2008|05:25 pm] |
that is all.
The Commander of the chocolate waterfall. |
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| -whimper- |
[Nov. 29th, 2008|01:07 am] |
Come back please...I can't live without you...and if it's...I'll be more hurt than I've ever been in my life...
Though I honestly don't know how it could hurt more than this...This isn't just want...this is need...a need formed from 8 years...
don't let this be...don't let this be it... |
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